love: reading, loving, learning, analyzing, U2, nail-polish, siblings, saturday mornings, coffee, people, and boys who play the harmonica.
This is my story; a series of moments and things that move me.
8.
another month without you. it gets harder and harder to be alone. i miss you and all our crazy, sissy moments. youre the best thing that has ever happened to me and i thank God everyday for the moments we shared together. i know it was short and i will never be able to comprehend why. but i’m so grateful for every second i have with you. i love you hearts and hearts seester.
7.
seven months baby girl. why does it seem like its been an eternity? every morning i think of you when i wake up and every night i think of you before i fall asleep. thank you for being my sissy and for giving me hope in the midst of chaos. thank you for allowing me to understand and accept things, even when i don’t know why. thank you for loving me (i know you dont have much of a choice bhahaha) in spite of all of my flaws and negativity. thank you for teaching me what a life well lived looks like. and thank you for saving me from myself. words can never express how precious you are to me and the extent to which my heart aches for you. you are safely nestled in my heart forever. see you soon seester.
p.s. cant wait to cuddle with you.
26 March 2012
This song is for you, babycakes. I’ll always miss you and carry your heart with me. I know it was your time and I’ll never understand why. But I promise you, I will see you again-when I leave this world.
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven, so I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
We were out on a date in my daddy’s car
We hadn’t driven very far
There in the road, straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn’t stop, so I swerved to the right
I’ll never forget the sound that night
The screamin’ tires, the bustin’ glass
The painful scream that I heard last
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven, so I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
When I woke up the rain was pourin’ down
There were people standing all around
Something warm goin’ through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
“Hold me darling, just a little while”
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I had missed
Well now she’s gone
Even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life, that night
Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven, so I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
5.
today is five months. i cant believe it has only been five months. to me it feels like an unbearable eternity. to be without you-my sister, my best friend, my other half, essentially my soul mate-has been, well, there are no words for it. i have no doubt in my mind or in my heart that i will see you again. it just pains me to know that time really does move this slowly. i have so much to say to you and im sure, so much to hear. i’m sure of it! but until then i will continue to attempt to live my life, just like you said i ought to. i just wish you were here living it with me.
and because life is better with a memory here’s one that made me crack up the other day:
I was rummaging through the fridge the other day and saw a block of jack cheese and a fresh baguette of bread. it suddenly made me want to make a pizza. not a typical pizza, but the kind that us kids would fabricate out of random ingredients when mom and dad would leave us home alone. unfortunately, we didnt have any tomato sauce or tomatoes for that matter. does this sound familiar?!?! i knew you would remember!! exactly like the time we decided we were gonna go on a mission to find tomatoes because we wanted that pizza! you went to all of our neighbors houses asking if they had a tomato/es we could borrow. two out the three neighbors we tried said no. finally you went to the last house and asked grandma blanca. she said yes! you came home with a huge smile on your face and bust out in laughter. i didnt understand why you were laughing at first, until you pulled your hands from behind your back. suddenly i was laughing too. we were both laughing so hard we almost fell over in tears! grandma blanca had given you green mexican tomatillos, which are nothing like tomatoes in the slightest! like we knew what they were?!?! suffice it to say, we did not get to make or eat our pizza that day, but we made some pretty awesome memories! thanks for that my little kumquat!
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”
